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People save up their entire lives to die here. I will live to your place Which made San Carlos de Bariloche a shock. Til abandonment is not a cause for divorce.

Astoundingly European with its wide colonial avenues, belle epoque architecture and waterfronts worn from the first steps of generations of Italians, Spanish, Germans and British seeking the new Europe, the capital is reminiscent of Lisbon, perhaps, or Fuck girl in san carlos de bariloche before the bombing, albeit with many more inhabitants - 13 million at the last count. You could stay for two weeks easily, just learning your history and wandering between flea-markets and public gardens; but there are two or three trips which you should try to make, even if simply passing through. La Recoleta is a cemetery in the way that Iguazu is a waterfall.

A strange and beautiful city of the dead, this necropolis covers acres of Buenos Aires' most exclusive land with impossible plinths and black marble obelisks and hauntingly surreal Deco sculpture. People save up their entire lives to die here. I was reluctant to leave until, at the Duarte family tomb wherein lies the body of Eva Peron, a fat, ringletted American - sporting, unaccountably, what appeared to be a velour kettledrum around her waist - decided to enhance the quiet reflection of the moment by screeching 'Don't Cry For Me Argentina', which was saddening, not least because I once vowed to get through life without having Lloyd Webber sung in front of me again except by someone holding a loaded pistol.

It took three fabulous ice-creams and a trip to the Tigre delta to rid my face of its rictus of fascinated loathing. But two minutes on the river and cares fly. The delta, a labyrinthine twist of scores of miles of criss-crossing brown water surrounding lush woodland, is where Buenos Aires, rich and poor, comes to play on weekends and holidays. Lumpen coracles and belching river buses jostle the sleek speedboats, all sending a high dirty wash blattering against the pilings of a thousand riverside homes. These range from peeling ramshackle hutches to glittering simulacrums of Versailles, but high- and low-born swim, tan and feast together and the effect is colourful, easy, wet and rather wonderful.

Take time on the way back to cruise through the San Isidro district, a kind of Hampstead of Buenos Aires, with its fine churches and views, and try not to be put off by the thought that many happy years were also spent here by Josef Mengele, thanks to Juan Peron's liberal attitude to post-war passports for architects of the destruction of European Jewry. The waterfront in the centre is where you'll want to feed: The old town itself, however, is still marvellous for food, and for decent tango clubs. Pass, too, through the other waterfront area, La Boca, once the archetypal dodgy dockside roughhouse where the tango began in brothels and wharf-rats skewered each other for the love of a good dancer sex and death, again.

The secret of the pampas - the almost unimaginably flat, yawning grasslands where eight million cattle are suitably prepared for their eventual role in the kitchen by spending their days in one vast smooth pan - is to stop.

Driving endlessly barilocje the pampas girrl, frankly, boring. Ce, however, carlo you will hear the birds, and the water, and smell the clear air and the eucalyptus. Best of all is to stop at inn ranch for a night or so, as we did at the elegant Estancia La Josefinaabout km south of the capital, there to sit and breathe in one long bucolic sigh. Tiny puppies Fuck girl in san carlos de bariloche gently beneath the legs of our horses as we rode grass tracks with the so-dapper gauchos, Fuck girl in san carlos de bariloche returning to feast carpos on about 17 differently delicious barbe cued cuts of the farm's own beef. A soft wind blowing in the trees above was all there was to remind us that time had not stopped.

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